Enough with the profanity!
From now on we’re going to start busting out the soap when we hear these filthy swear words around the studio!
Damn right. I know you heard that sh*t!
Oh, you thought I was talking about those words??
No way! Studies actually show that we can endure more pain if we let a few “R rated” words out when need be. So have at it!
I’m talking about that underground, secret weapon of a word that the dark side uses to get us down. It’s in most of our daily vocabulary yet no one ever even blinks an eye at it when it’s spoken.
I’m talking about the word “SHOULD.”
We love our “shoulds”. Our alternate visions of reality — where everything works perfectly and the universe always seems to be aligned in our favor.
The problem is that sometimes when we speak this word we fool ourselves.
“Idk, I probably should..”
“I really should do this, if only…”
“We should, but…”
“Yeah, I should do that.”
Even worse, all to often the “shoulds” windup creating shame.
”I should be able to do this.”
“Why can’t I…?”
“I keep trying, but…”
“I feel really embarrassed because I can’t seem to…”
“I know I should but I just can’t make myself...”
”I really shouldn’t be doing this.”
We end up banging our heads against the wall in frustration. Why isn’t this working? Why does this have to happen?! Why can’t I do this?!! WHYYY!!???
Try this out for me. Write “SHOULD” on a piece of paper. Now grab the pen in your fist, like a little kid, and scribble all over that SHOULD. Scribble hard. Like you’re gonna drive that pen through the paper, through the table, right into the floor.
Crumple up that paper and throw it away. Heck, why not bite a chunk out of it and spit it out for good measure!
From now on, we are done with SHOULD!
From now on, we deal only with WHAT IS.
What is, right now. Here in front of you.
We call that reality. If you argue with reality, you will always lose. So you might as well get reality on your team.
You see what I mean about “should”?
It’s a very inconspicuous tool that our demons use to hold us back.
Should creates shame. Shame demoralizes us.
Now I’m not suggesting you lie to yourself or others and just answer “yes” when someone asks if you’re going to do something you feel you “should” do.
Simply be real with it. If you don’t want to or you’re not ready to for whatever reason, “no” is a perfectly acceptable answer. Just be honest with yourself and accept the decisions you make with no guilt.
If you’re open to having your ears bombed with a whole lot of F words then check this video out!
Sarah Knight does a beautiful job of explaining how to say “no” to anything without feeling guilt in this presentation titled “The Magic of Not Giving a F*** ”!
*|FNAME|*, you are doing incredible. Hold your head up high and just keep working towards your desired outcome.
If your desired outcome is to improve your health, then you SHOULD be doing these things!!
Haha! Totally kidding.
A better way to look at this would be to say, “my goal is to improve my health, so it would be beneficial for me to apply the following habits to my eating routine:
-Practice eating slowly and without distractions whenever possible.
-Stop eating when I am 80% full so I’m not miserable afterwards.
-Make sure I get one serving of protein with every meal.
-Drink enough water to ensure my body is operating at its optimal functionality.
-And I can help myself out by “shaping the path” to make these habits easier!”
We all know what we “should” or “shouldn’t” do. But from now on we will be explicit with our decisions and remain checked in with reality — guilt free.
Remember that “self-compassion” thing we talked about? ;-)
We (humans) have two very basic “modes of operation” or “states of being,” if you will.
On one end is growth; the other, protection. When we are in a state of protection, there is no room for growth.
Our growth state thrives in a lovinging environment. Our protection mode kicks on in a fearful environment.
Compassion is love. Shame creates fear.